How To Keep Ur Relationship

Now, I want you to know that these five steps will help you create a new mindset and presence in your relationship so that you can move forward with clear, confident decisions and regrets, regardless of the path you ultimately choose. don’t borrow.

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People come to me and say, “we’re going to go to couple’s therapy and see if that works and then decide if we’re going to stay together.” » But you can’t do it like that. You must all agree with the phrase “we will be together”. I put all my eggs in this basket. I bet everything.” Delaying and hesitating will only prolong the healing process.

Your problems. You’ll blame your partner or therapy or whatever for why it didn’t work out, but it’s really because you’re not fully committed and your partner knows it and they don’t either!

I’m going to repeat what I’ve said many times, and you really need to hear me on this one:

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Your conscious brain processes information at 50 bits per second, while your subconscious brain processes information at 11 million bits per second. It means your partner can’t hear what you’re saying.

. You can say all the right things, but if your subconscious believes something else, your partner is listening.

Have you ever talked to someone at work and they said all the right things, but you felt they were full of bullshit? Or do you have a “gut feeling” that something is up with your partner, even though they act like everything is fine? You’re the one who recovers those 11 million bits compared to 50.

And your partner does it to you! They are very attuned to what you “really say” every time you interact. So maybe you’re working on your marriage. You’ve read a book, attended a seminar, or attended couples therapy, and now you’re trying a new tool or strategy to change your relationship.

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You consciously think, “Yes, this really helps!” » But unconsciously there are suspicions and perhaps resentment. Your subconscious dialogue goes something like this: “We’ve had these problems for a long time, it’s going to take a long time to change, and I don’t know if I have it or not.” No! Or “We will never change because my partner refuses to do things differently!” Or my favorite quote: “We make changes, but we end up reverting to old behaviors.” Nothing worked! »

Even if it’s just under the surface, you start using a new trick or technique you’ve learned, but your partner senses your doubts, resentment, anxiety, and despair, and it can’t change them accordingly.

The same. They see your inadequacy. Subconsciously, your partner is thinking, “Sure, you’re doing new things, but how long will that last?” I will wait.

Do) and you think: “See? Nothing’s working!” And you fall back into your old patterns and make your partner think they’re right not to waste time trying to do other things. This is the cycle that allows you to continue working as a relationship counselor.

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Knowing this, you should fully cope. If you really want to work on your relationship, you need to be 100% committed to each other. Download the free Commitment Determination Worksheet below to help you determine whether you want to fulfill this commitment.

If you’re considering a breakup, you’ve probably spent a lot of time focusing on everything you think is wrong with your partner and your relationship. When you start thinking like that, you start seeing negative things

This happens because of a little-known but very important part of your brain’s circuitry called the reticular activating system, or RAS for short. The RAS is a network of neurons located in the brainstem and is where most of your senses come into play.

The RAS is a filter between the conscious and subconscious brain. More specifically, it receives instructions from your conscious mind and relays them to your subconscious mind. You are constantly giving instructions to the RAS based on what you think – the problem is that you don’t realize it.

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Therefore, if you think, “My partner is always judging and criticizing me,” RAS will take this as an instruction or command: “Find my partner who criticizes me.”

Indeed, your partner is “always” critical; you hear it all the time. RAS is also the reason you see the number of Toyota Highlanders on the road when you’re pregnant, or after you’ve had multiple pregnant women.

You basically ask RAS to look for stalking, drinking and anger and it will find them… Often!

And here’s the really scary part (if I haven’t blown your mind yet): Your RAS will do it too.

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Anything that doesn’t match what you think! So when your partner is loving, grateful, caring and kind, you won’t see it! This is why you get into “they said/you said” debates. “I don’t remember you doing that!” “You didn’t say that!” This is because the RAS filters out this good stuff and you have proven yourself “right” time and time again.

If you really want to find peace, happiness, and connection in your relationship, you need to change what you’re focusing on and become aware of the commands you’re giving your RAS. You can do this by writing down something you appreciate about your partner each day, or by doing a random act of kindness towards your partner each day for the next week.

Here’s another benefit: thinking these thoughts and doing these nice things will actually make a difference in your partner, because when you start being nice to your partner, they’ll start being nice to you! When you start matching these 50 bits with your 11 million bits, you will have a partner

I say this a lot and I know you don’t like to hear it, but I’m here to give you real love and no bullshit. It won’t work if you wait for someone else to change. If you think, “I’m the only one making the effort – they have to make the effort now” – then you’re getting points and it’s not going to work.

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When you think like that, fear happens. For example, you would NEVER say that to a small child! You give your children endless love without being hurt or rejected when they don’t reciprocate, but somehow we don’t feel that with our partners!

You are afraid of rejection, abandonment, shame and being taken advantage of! Crazy! How do you build a life with someone – having children, a mortgage, travel – if you don’t even believe that they won’t use you?

I know what you’re thinking, “But Abby, what if it doesn’t work out?” Well, it might not – there’s no guarantee. And yes, it will hurt if it doesn’t work. But now you are in a lot of pain! It’s better to come out the other side with no regrets, no ‘what ifs’, saying, ‘I wish I’d tried a little…time,’ I worked and gave it my all and now it’s time to move on.” Pain is a part of every relationship! This is inevitable. Our partners hurt us even if they don’t want to. But why fear this injury when the reward can be so great!?

Emotional space in your life to work on

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How To Keep Ur Relationship